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Joey Essex: Grief & Me [Video]

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Joey Essex opens up for the first time about dealing with grief after his mum took her own life.

Joey Essex: Grief & Me is available to watch on BBC iPlayer now: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p09h…

If you or someone you know have been affected by any of the issues in Joey Essex: Grief & Me, these following organisations may be able to help https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/arti…

 

Transcript provided by YouTube:

00:00
as a young kid just about to go into
00:01
secondary school what are you meant to
00:03
do
00:03
there’s no way out no one understands
00:05
where you’re coming from
00:06
i’ve kept all this pain bottled up for
00:08
20 years
00:09
[Music]
00:12
people normally see me laughing and
00:14
joking being joey essex
00:16
good morning joey good morning
00:20
things happen to me i haven’t been able
00:22
to talk about are you feeling
00:24
when i was 10 my mum took her own life
00:28
and the truth is i’ve never been able to
00:30
deal with it
00:30
[Music]
00:42
no one really knows what’s going on
00:43
inside my head i’m on my own
00:45
i’m lonely
00:52
after what happened to my mum my whole
00:54
life was completely
00:57
torn to pieces
01:00
i’m trying to fill a gap i’ve tried
01:03
everything i’ve done everything
01:05
nothing seems to make me happy
01:08
nothing i’ve decided to look for help
01:12
dr stephen blumenthal he’s a clinical
01:15
psychologist
01:16
and psychoanalyst i’ve never took a
01:19
therapist serious
01:20
it feels like it’s going to be one of
01:22
the biggest things i’m going to do in my
01:24
life there is a joey
01:27
who has become sort of emphasized
01:31
he’s become you know the the sort of
01:33
funny joey
01:34
and everybody’s latched onto that funny
01:36
joey one side of you which does want to
01:39
advance and go on and then there’s
01:41
another side
01:42
which is wanting to stay a child
01:46
i wonder if one of the things that holds
01:49
you back
01:50
is that it would mean letting go of your
01:52
mother
01:54
um maybe but
01:58
it’s i don’t really i don’t know really
02:02
that that’s one thing in my life that i
02:04
will never get over
02:07
ever i don’t really want to talk to you
02:08
about it right now
02:10
i don’t want to just start going into
02:12
detail about
02:13
how how awful it was and bad and this
02:15
happened and that it’s just it’s too
02:16
much
02:17
all right i want to be able to open up i
02:21
want to be able to lay on the table
02:22
properly without like
02:24
hiding like like things in my mind and
02:27
this is the thing you’ve got to get up
02:29
and you’ve got to go
02:30
even on the days you don’t want to go
02:32
you’ve got to go yeah
02:33
and that’s that’s going to be
02:34
challenging in itself you’ve got to
02:36
learn how to speak to
02:38
your therapist and be open because i
02:40
think it
02:43
so you won’t always put up the different
02:45
joey you’ll put up you’re becoming more
02:47
natural
02:48
and openly speaking about it joe yeah
02:50
you’re gonna have to live with you
02:51
for the rest of your life you can put on
02:53
this big front
02:55
but at the end of the day when when the
02:57
doors are closed
02:59
you’ve gotta be with you
03:04
the timing of it was just terrible
03:08
it couldn’t be any worse like you’re
03:10
growing up
03:11
you’re like 11 years old like you you
03:13
switched on
03:15
as a young kid just about to go into
03:16
secondary school what are you meant to
03:18
do
03:18
there’s no way out i’m not going to go
03:20
up to other kids and start talking about
03:21
it
03:22
i’m going to talk to teachers about it
03:23
no one understands where you’re coming
03:25
from
03:28
i want to find true happiness i want to
03:30
find love
03:31
been in good relationships and i’ve seen
03:33
to push that away
03:36
for some reason this past week i feel
03:38
really tired
03:39
um i don’t feel like i’m getting i’m
03:42
getting getting it any
03:43
anything you know i’m looking at you and
03:45
i’m thinking
03:46
why should i trust you like it’s weird
03:48
for me it’s like quite frustrating
03:50
i’m not opening not because i’m feel
03:51
like i’m not getting anywhere i’ve never
03:53
had this before mate
03:54
you know what i mean i’ve never took it
03:55
this serious yes so i think me taking it
03:58
serious i’m just [ __ ]
03:59
i’m finding it difficult
04:03
i just feel trapped
04:04
[Music]
04:10
so sometimes that’s how i feel
04:14
yes gosh
04:20
she looked
04:28
i just don’t believe in it matt yes i
04:31
always think to myself
04:34
and if she loved me that much why would
04:35
she leave me yeah
04:38
yeah today uh
04:42
going back to my old house back to
04:44
birmingzi
04:47
mom turn up i’ve never wanted to relive
04:50
these memories and never wanted to i’ve
04:51
never like
04:52
gone back to that turning where you turn
04:55
in and you pull up my house i’ve never
04:56
done that before
05:06
all i can remember in birmingham is just
05:08
smiling being happy
05:11
no worries obviously as a child you
05:13
don’t have no worries anyway but it’s
05:14
just it was just all the happy times
05:16
i just felt like everything was perfect
05:20
i think that was my vision there the top
05:22
one
05:24
[Music]
05:36
joe
05:38
hello mate all right how are you yeah
05:40
good thanks how are you mate
05:42
thanks for letting us in mate we really
05:44
appreciate it
05:45
i don’t really used to go on i remember
05:47
i used the way he’s hired in there yeah
05:48
this like this ain’t the
05:50
change march off i used to my mom used
05:52
to watch me in the same gear
05:55
it’s quite happy memories though you
05:56
know what i mean it’s not
06:02
i just have a i just have a flashback
06:04
which i remember
06:05
we’d sit here on the steps i remember my
06:07
mum used to i wish to open this
06:10
mama cooked macaroni cheese and then
06:12
we’d all just we’d all sit here like
06:18
this
06:26
i suppose that thought of like oh should
06:28
i shouldn’t i
06:30
he’s not going to be there anymore that
06:31
anxiety feelings you know i mean should
06:34
i ever go back to that
06:36
place should i but now i don’t seem to
06:38
be as bad as i thought we was
06:40
but yeah i’m glad i’ve come about
06:43
definitely
06:46
i’ve got to take a picture
06:49
i’m definitely going to keep going to
06:52
[Music]
07:00
therapy
07:06
you

This post was previously published on YouTube.

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Photo credit: Screenshot from video

 

The post Joey Essex: Grief & Me [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.


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